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19 March 2004 @ 11:46 am
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i know its not right, but like since my weight gain is a tad excessive, it makes me want to not gain any more weight or lose weight. I KNOW thats not right its not the answer, but thats how i am. I tend to be extreme about things. Maybe thats why i was anorexic before. fuckers. i talked to my dad and he was like take some pics. i wanna see how fat your getting. does he not remember i had to go to rehab for coke because i wanted to lose as much weight as possible at one point in my life? helllllooooo?? wtf. so in my head i heard my friends voice say "water off a ducks back" and just let it go. whatever. I'm going to be skinny after the baby. let me be fat now get it all over with. then afterwards i'll be skinny and happy and whatever. i just want them to shut up. i suppose letting them know my history might help, but i dont' see it as being their business and whatever. fuck it. this will be over soon anyway.

i'm done discussing this.

x-posted. so there.
 
 
Current Mood: bitchy & bratty
 
 
 
Is that a real poncho or is that a Sears poncho?stalkingsilence on March 20th, 2004 09:58 pm (UTC)
a 'friend' of mine said that she wanted to see me while i was pregnant so she could see how fat i've gotten. i got all defensive and told her that besides my collarbones disappearing, i'm pretty much the same.

and she KNOWS i've struggled with an eating disorder like twenty seconds before i knew i was pregnant. fuckers.